Boundaries: you can do it!

We help families grow and build their relationships together. This can be tough when your child exhibits challenging behavior, when they disagree with you, if the expectations you have set seem to never stay in place, or when you’re just unsure if what they’re experiencing is typical child development.

We want you to know that taking care of kids is hard and it’s okay to ask questions, it's okay to understand more about your own emotions as you care for children, and it’s okay to be frustrated, annoyed, provoked, uncomfortable... that is how we grow as humans - adults and children.

Boundaries… expectations… rules… All those terms are what help children know what is expected of them, what is okay and not okay, and give them a pathway to follow as they learn and develop different skills. Boundaries are also about respect. Respect for the child and respect for the caregiver. When children and adults respect one another they can build mutual trust and strengthen that relationship even more.

It isn’t easy to always be, “the enforcer”. This was particularly how I felt when I worked in the lab school with college students and part time aides. It felt like starting over each time the new semester kicked off and I would end up being forced to be the backbone of the classroom structure. Now don’t misunderstand “the enforcer” role. It is not a negative, tyrannical, perpetually displeased ruler... it’s simply an adult who upholds the expectations, or boundaries, that have been set up for the classroom.

You are the unwavering and anchoring presence for your child.

But it can feel very negative and can induce guilt as you may feel others are judging you from the outside, because of their lack of understanding of child development. Let them judge. Let them be misinformed. What the outsiders miss is the work it took to get to this place you are at in your relationship with your child. All the work that was put in to build clear pathways and an understanding with your child. You are acting intentionally. You are a consistent person, with calm conviction, that upholds expectations and boundaries. Because of this, your child understands what you want, expect, and ask, more than anyone else. They will feel closest to you and trust you the most because of your ability to be the rock in their storms.

We often set expectations and boundaries but let things slide because we worry that by upholding these boundaries children resent us, stop loving us, become angry with us… No one wants to feel those feelings; it’s upsetting. Have you ever had the thoughts like,

“I wish I could get to be the fun the parent…” “I wish I could enjoy these experiences more…” “I wish I had an easier relationship with my child….”

This is a totally normal and honest feeling.

I know I have experienced this as a teacher on many occasions. However, when we are strong, confident, calm, and consistent leaders - we actually create stronger, deeper and more meaningful connections together, and children can adore us, even in the harder moments of our lives. 

If you are unsure how to get started the right way with boundaries or expectations and would like to know more about them - reach out to us. You deserve to feel confident and supported in this journey of caring for children.